You do your best you do your time
a member of mankind straight down the line
getting ready to enjoy life's plan
then someone somewhere starts the fan......

Lumps as big as bricks fly in
What have I done?  What is my sin?
As the brown stuff sticks to your last shirt
the taxman strains and adds a squirt.

You work to make your plight seem better
then behold there comes a further letter
just as you thought you were hassle free
you've underpaid your VAT.

As if such disasters are not enough
your family can make it really rough
you've just got square and it was hard
now a wedding goes on your credit card.

The nest is empty, just you and gran
each day drink wine or open a can
but comes a duty you cannot shirk
to mind the grandkids so mum can work.

Some pains in the chest now - just a few
but angina comes as a relief to you
for distracting pain means one avoids
the annoying itch of haemorrhoids.

Then prostrate trouble, the time has come
to have a doctor's fist rammed up your bum.
Surgery and pills follow but you stay placid
but find friend Willy now stays flaccid.

In hospital now - the last resort
no chips, no booze, no sex, no sport
it's heaven time, no more escapes

About now the angels pinch your grapes.